


Something More

by SolanumCrispumGlasnevin



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Offscreen Joe/OMC, set before they met Andy and Quynh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26596303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolanumCrispumGlasnevin/pseuds/SolanumCrispumGlasnevin
Summary: Yusuf has the perfect friend in Nicolo, it would be rude ask for anything more and it’s not like he can’t find company for a night elsewhere (just as long as he ignores what his heart is telling him, that is).
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 9
Kudos: 165





	Something More

**Author's Note:**

> wow so apparently you can post fic to this site? and not just read it? wack

The mood in the tavern was jovial, it was nearing the end of summer and the harvest had been good and the weather fair, and for the moment all other worries could be forgotten. On the other side of the table Nicolo was midway through a conversation with one of the locals, something about one of their old jobs, it was hard to hear conversations even this close with all of the loud shouting going on. Yusuf couldn’t seem to bring himself to care though. He got to look at Nicolo uninterrupted after all.

His dark hair is long at the moment, though not quite long enough to tie it all properly back, and Yusuf clenches his hand hard around his glass to stop himself reaching out and carding his hand through it. Feeling how soft it would be against his fingers, and then trailing his hand down further, gently against Nicolo’s cheek and down further again to brush against those pink lips... God he was such a mess. If only Nicolo knew how passionately Yusuf truly felt about him he would never share those open beautiful smiles or his quick bright laugh with him again. He makes himself sick even thinking about that possibility. 

‘Hey Yusuf!’ He must have zoned out for a couple seconds cause Nicolo has leant over to his side of the table, clicking his fingers in his face to get his attention and he laughs a little as Yusuf startles back into reality. The local man he was talking with has vanished, an empty glass where he used to be.

‘I’m thinking of heading back to the inn, moving all that farm equipment all day takes more out of you than you would think’.

Nicolo is fully leant over the table now, all his weight on his arms and he’s so close. Yusuf would only have to lean forward and then he would finally know what those lips felt like, what they tasted like. Instead he leans back, brings his arm up to wipe it across his face, to wipe out all his lovely, doomed thoughts from his head. 

‘Oh come on Nick! Giving up so easily? Think of all the pretty girls you’ll be disappointing by going home so early! Not even giving them a chance to look into your beautiful eyes, how unfair is that?’

Nicolo only laughs, ‘You stay here then, I think we know you’re the only one who has any skill in that area’. The words are light-hearted, said to jest not provoke but something about them leaves Yusuf feeling cold inside. Oh my love he thinks, if only you knew how far from my mind anybody else is.

He watches Nicolo make his way out of the tavern, leaving him alone. Probably for the best. One of these days he was going to slip, he could feel it. He’d be too deep in his cups or maybe just stupidly careless and then Nicolo would know. He would _know_. 

He’d want to know how long? How long had Yusuf stayed by his side, pretended to be his friend while all the while he had wanted him, loved him. Yusuf would rather die than have to see Nicolo realise how he truly felt, that he loved him far more than a brother, and see the rejection or disgust or pity in Nicolo’s eyes. Except that dying wasn’t really an option for either them was it?

Suddenly the good cheer and atmosphere of everyone around him ceased to be appealing and instead grated on his nerves, reminding him that he could never have the happiness and easy life that these people enjoyed. He got up and pushed his way through the crowd, cursing himself for not leaving with Nicolo in the first place and instead only managing to work himself up and ruin his own night. 

The night air wasn’t as cold as he’d expected when he made it out into the street, the tail end of summer still holding this part of the world in his grip, and Yusuf felt something hot curl up in himself in response. He wouldn’t go back to Nicolo when he was feeling like this. Not yet anyway. Almost without thinking his feet took him away from their inn on the other side of town, and towards some of the less frequented, more run down parts of the city. A single night wouldn’t hurt. Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself, though his easy familiarity with the way ahead betrayed him.

He walked by the first few brothels he passed, ignoring the men loitering outside and the girls trying to call him in both, with head kept down and hands pushed deep into his pockets. Underfoot the cobbles become rougher and the lights from the surrounding buildings dimmer until Yusuf had to pay actual attention so that in his drunken state he wouldn’t trip and break his neck. That really would be the perfect end to this night he thought. (Or at least the one he deserved anyway).

Instead he found himself knocking on one of the wooden doors leading off of the street, barely pausing before letting himself in. Inside the light was barely any brighter, illuminating a large open lounge with people taking drinks and company in twos and threes.

There was only a moment before someone detached themselves from the bar and made their way towards him.

‘Back already?’ The words were playful, belonging to a young man with lively grey eyes and shoulder length dark hair and Yusuf very pointedly doesn’t think of who he reminds him of.

He holds a glass in one hand, and as he approaches he lifts it up to pour into Yusuf’s mouth, and he lets it happen, lets the strong spirit wipe his mind.

‘Couldn’t keep me out of your head, was that it?’ the other man, Yusuf for the life of him can’t remember his name, teases, all easy movements and a cheeky smile.

‘Yeah something like that’, he replies and if he were a good man, (the man Nicolo thought he was his mind supplied) he would turn around now. Walk out of this brothel and put this all behind him. But he has beautiful man in front of him and if he just squinted his eyes he could almost pretend it was Nicolo.

So instead he takes his wrist. Leans in so that he could smell his hair or pepper bites along his neck and says, ‘Follow me’.

* * *

The sun’s almost up by the time Yusuf comes back to their inn. Nicolo hadn’t meant to wait up, at least not at first. By the time he’d started his third round of inventorying all their weapons though, it was getting pretty hard to tell himself he was still trying to fall asleep.

The night had been great at the start, no special events or festivals, just one of those days where everything had seemed to go right, fallen into place. He’d enjoyed chatting to the locals as always, listening their problems and celebrations always made him feel more grounded, if a little melancholy. He couldn’t help but think what he might be like in their shoes, if a bad harvest or flooded river would be as earth-shattering to him as it was to them. Probably. The more Nicolo saw of people the more he realised they were all basically the same. Everybody wanted a safe place to sleep at the end of the day, food to keep their family from going hungry and a better life for their children. That was all it came down to really, and he found it comforting that if given the chance most people would try and do good with their lives.

The best thing about the night though was that he’d been able to watch Yusuf all evening. He’d been caught up in his own conversations, and Nicolo had just been able to tilt his head to the side and see him in his element. The golden evening light in his hair made it look like he had a halo, like he was one of gods angels, and there was enough bright shine in his eyes to rival the sun. He had looked magnificent. Yusuf was always so full of life, that was one of the endless things Nicolo loved about him. 

The sound of the key being jostled into the lock jolts him out of his daydreams, and he looks up to see Yusuf walking in, clothes torn and muddied and covered in blood. Nicolo doesn’t even realise he’s moving but he’s instantly at Yusuf’s side, helping him and frantically checking him over for injuries that will have long since healed.

‘Shhh, Nicolo shhh, I’m all right really. Look at me, I’m all good, yeah?’ Yusuf’s voice washes over him, soothing the part of him that had panicked upon seeing him like this.

‘What happened?’ he asks and Yusuf tenses at that, not by much, but Nicolo has known him long enough to notice, to know that this isn’t as simple as Yusuf wants him to believe.  
‘I…’, and then there’s a long pause before Yusuf says anything else. Long enough for him to imagine a hundred scenes of fights and back alley brawls, long enough for him to imagine a hundred ways he wants to hold Yusuf, to kiss him, to worship him and banish all of the hurt from his mind.

‘I was attacked’ he says simply and then he goes to move further into the room. As if he’s going to just leave it at that. As if Nicolo would let him.

‘Whatever happened Yusuf, whatever it is, I am here for you. I promise you that. Whoever it is I promise you they will not know peace, they will not get away with this. I will not let them’. He had been getting emotional, he could tell, letting his fury and at those who had scared Yusuf so seep into his words. But that last sentence Nicolo delivered with a cold certainty, as sure in it as his belief in the sun and the stars, as sure as he knew Yusuf was the monument that gave his life meaning.

And Yusuf looked past him, off into the room and whispers ‘I deserved it.’ 

The silence stretches for a bit, Nicolo shocked, Yusuf still not meeting his eyes as if waiting for his judgement. 

How could he think that? How could this pinnacle of kindness and justice and honour ever think that he was deserving of such brutality? Nicolo knows, then, that he has failed. Because how could he have not if this is how his own heart thinks of himself?

‘It is no big thing Nicolo’, Yusuf starts to speak. ‘I threw them off easily and it was only my own carelessness that brought them upon me in the first place.’ His words start to come faster now, tumbling out of his mouth in a sign of nervousness that is so unlike him Nicolo doesn’t know what to do.

‘I never meant to burden you with this, truly, but if you must know I had spent the night with a lover, another man, and there was a group who had spotted me as I left who took rather poorly to my behaviour’. Yusuf gives him a wry smile at that, but the tension doesn’t leave his stance and he couldn’t have looked any more nervous if he’d been wringing his hands out.

‘This is no burden, my love’ Nicolo tells him softly and oh isn’t there such a bittersweet taste to these words? All these years he had spent pinning after Yusuf, sure he was not interested in the advances of men, only to find out that he was, just not in Nicolo. 

‘I would never judge you, not for this, not for anything, your happiness is the most important thing I have. And besides,’ he adds this last bit with a lifeless laugh, ‘what type of hypocrite would I be to deny any man the person who I myself have so desired and loved?’

It is hard to make out Yusuf’s features in the darkness, but even a blind man would notice how wide his eyes go at that, how his mouth opens ever so slightly in shock.

‘You, you have loved me?’ he has to lick his lips to get the words out, his mouth gone suddenly parched.

‘Yes, but I promise, it is of no matter. If you have found happiness with this another man than I am nothing but glad for you’. The words taste like ash in his mouth but what can he do but say them? He will not push away the best part of his life due to his own jealousy. He will certainly not make Yusuf choose between them.

Yusuf’s eyes are still wide, but it is the first time since he arrived beaten and scratched that he’s properly met Nicolos gaze. The laugh he lets out surprises him, high and slightly manic but oh so full of hope and the relief seems to flood off of him.

‘No he is, it is not like that Nicolo. It makes me a little ashamed to admit it but he was just somebody that I paid for. You are the one who I want, who I love and have always loved.’ 

Yusuf keeps talking after that, bright, impassioned words spilling out of his mouth but Nicolo can’t hear them. He can only look dumbstruck at the man in front of him.

He steps forward, closing that last small space between them which until this moment had seemed like a chasm and brings his lips to Yusuf’s.

The kiss is slow at first, but Yusuf soon brings his hand up to clutch at the back of his neck, hot and possessive and pulling him in ever closer. He grips Yusuf’s hips in response and he vaguely thinks he never wants to be apart from this man again. He wants every part of him to know Yusuf, to belong to him, and even the cold seconds where they have to separate to move across the room sting like frostbite.

‘You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that to you’ Yusuf murmurs, bringing one of his fingers up to swipe against his kiss swollen lips.

‘I think you’ll find it was me who kissed you’.

‘And what a pleasure that was’ the warmth and raw honesty in his words sends heat straight through Nicolo, ‘I still can’t quite believe it’.

‘Well, it’s a good thing I’ve got our whole lives to convince you’.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda struggled with the ending but seeing as this is the first fic i've written i'm pretty pleased with it! Hope you enjoyed it too


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